5 Important Marriage Values

What Are the Values that can Affect the Outcome of a Marriage?

In marriage, values are important because they determine our actions and reactions.

It is important to consider your spouse’s values before marriage.

And if you are already married, taking note of these values and consciously adjusting will help you and your spouse.

In my previous post about factors to consider before marriage, I established that marriage is a lifelong affair.

That was God’s original intention from the beginning Mt 19: 3 – 6, but that’s hardly the case these days.

These days, men and women easily fall in and out of love, the word love is now cliché. As a result, there are so many broken homes with hurting parents and children.

Statistics have shown that children are often the worst hit by divorce, and they are psychologically affected as well. If you truly care about your life and future, you would take a moment to consider these facts and choose right.

The essence of my post is to at least prevent someone from becoming part of the divorce statistics.

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I’ve been married for over a decade, so I’m writing from a position of hindsight based on my experience and that of those around me. Not that I’m perfect, because there is no perfect person, but there are pitfalls that can be avoided.

It is good to note these pitfalls because marriage is a commitment that can make or mar you. Marry the right person and your marriage will be like heaven on Earth, do otherwise, and there could be grave consequences.

Marrying the wrong partner can be heartbreaking and emotionally and psychologically crippling. #marriagevalues #teacupclub #bloggerstribe Click To Tweet

Not just that, marrying the wrong person can lead to hell because it may make a believer negate their beliefs.

If you have not read the previous post in this series, I urge you to do so.

There are various factors to consider when choosing a life partner and we will examine some of the basic ones in this post. Various marriage values are examined in this post.

What are Values and Beliefs?

Values are the beliefs and ideas you’ve acquired along the way, that you now hold very dear. They are an indication of your outlook on life and will have an impact on who you are and what you will be. Such values could be religious, financial, cultural or familial in nature. Values and beliefs are important factors to consider before marriage to avoid future conflict. The good thing about values is that they can be changed.

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How Cultural Values Affect Marriage

Cultural values are the beliefs and approach to life by people of a race or ethnic background.

If you are considering marrying someone from a different ethnic background than you, pay attention to this post.

Different ethnicities or countries have different cultural values and you may experience culture shock if you didn’t consider this before marriage.

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For instance, it is common to leave tips for service attendants when you go to a restaurant in the U.S. and considered rude if you don’t. On the other hand, leaving tips for restaurant attendants in African countries is a matter of choice. It is expected but not mandated.

Another cultural variation is in the mode of greeting, in most African countries the female kneels when greeting the elderly while the male prostrates. It is considered a sign of respect to greet in this way in Africa, while in the U.S., greeting is by shaking of hands.

In corporate America for instance, everyone is addressed on first-name basis while the culture is different in Africa. In Africa, it’s common to address people by their title e.g. Mr. or Mrs. their last name, anything different is considered offensive except in organizations that have explicit policies about it.

The list goes on, so make sure to do your homework and be informed before embarking on intercultural marriage.

How Family Values Affect Marriage

Different families have different values and approach to child upbringing. Usually, except your spouse makes a conscious effort to sift negative family values and attitudes, they would naturally imbibe such.

For example, a boy who grows up seeing his dad punching his mum may grow up to think it’s normal. That’s why it’s important to watch out for abusive tendencies in your intended spouse.

The above scenario applies to both genders. A girl whose mother always likes to have the last say and never submits to her husband would likely do same in marriage. Some families have certain values about festive periods like Christmas, where family members exchange gifts. If your family doesn’t have such values, you will need to adjust to get along with your in-laws and spouse.

On the issue of child upbringing, some families believe in disciplining errant children while some believe the child will outgrow erring tendencies. Some families also believe there’s nothing wrong with sending their child to live with family members as a way of cutting cost, while some are against it.

These are potential areas of conflict in marriage that needs to be thoroughly discussed beforehand. I recently watched a movie about a poor couple who couldn’t afford 2 square meals a day.

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The wife’s proposed solution was to trade one of their children as a maid in exchange for payment. Despite her husband’s disagreement, she didn’t see anything wrong with it and attempted selling their child when the husband was out.

But for the timely arrival of her husband who forgot his phone at home, the deed would have been done. And the child would have been trafficked to a distant place without her father’s consent or knowledge.

What are your values and beliefs? Do you share the same values as your spouse?

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How Religious Values Affect Marriage

Religious values are important factors to consider in marriage because two cannot work together unless they agree Amos 3:3. As a Christian, the bible should be your standard when considering marriage. God’s word is clear on the expectation of who a child of God should marry.

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 2 Cor 6:14 (ESV)

The first question when considering who to marry is, is this person born again? Don’t make your choice based on physical characteristics alone, you need to consider the spiritual side of things.

Narrow is the way that leads to life and broad is the way that leads to destruction.

Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. 14 For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few. Mt 7:13 -14 (ESV)

This leads to the next important question which is, how to identify a genuine believer? The simple answer to that is found in this scripture,

Thus you will recognize them by their fruits. Mt 7: 20 (ESV)

A common error is for a Christian believer to marry an unbeliever in hopes that the other party will change after marriage. This couldn’t be further from the truth, you are not God and therefore you do not have power to guarantee desired change in anyone.

There are countless stories out there of men that pretended to be believers only to reveal their true selves after marriage. Some of those men even go to the extent of banning their wives from participating in church activities.

It is therefore good to choose a partner who shares your religious beliefs to avoid future conflict in this regard. A significant benefit of marrying a believer like you is that when stormy times come, you will both agree about how to overcome.

How Financial Values Affect Marriage

Finance plays an important part in marriage because the family needs finance to thrive. Furthermore, it has been statistically proven that finance is one of the major factors that tears couple apart. It is therefore crucial to ensure that you consider your intending spouse’s financial values before you get married.

What is your spouse’s opinion of money?

Does he/she think all the money you make is for you both or for them alone? What do you think of their opinion? What is your own opinion, is it in sync with that of your intending partner?

We all have different natures, some people by nature are spendthrifts while others are conservative spenders by nature.

Are you able to balance your spouse’s spending habits with yours?

I know of someone who believes there is no need to save money for capital projects such as buying a house or sending kids to college. Their belief is that when the time comes, the money will surface.

At the same time, I’ve heard of men and women who believe whatever the man earns is for the family while whatever the woman earns is for her to do with as she wishes.

These values if not well thought out and discussed could be the source of future conflict in the home.

So, financial values are important factors to consider before marriage.

How Hygiene Values Affect Marriage

Hygiene values are important considerations before marriage. Does your spouse think it is important to bathe daily? What of clothes, how frequently do they wear their clothes before it’s due for a wash?

What of the house, is their house always clean or always dirty with last week’s dishes left unwashed?

I once visited a friend and there were maggots in dirty pots and pans in the kitchen. If you have different hygiene values, there’s bound to be conflict unless you’re ready to do all the cleaning or engage someone to do it.

How about self-grooming, do they look neat and nice enough for you or you don’t like their mode of dressing?

All these are factors to consider before marriage.

Conclusion – Values to Consider Before Marriage

Don’t make the mistake of thinking your spouse will change after marriage, few spouses do.

Marriage values are important considerations for avoiding conflicts in the home. What other values did you or would you consider before marriage? Put it in the comments section down below.

Finally, marriage is good and being in love is sweet, but the greatest marriage of all is the marriage supper of the Lamb.